For some people the idea of a clean slate is associated with hopeful and exciting prospects: a new fitness program, degree program, job or relationship.
For others, a fresh start may be something that was forced on them by the death of a loved one, divorce or layoff.
And for all of the above, Northeastern University psychology professor Kristen Lee has a new book coming out March 20 that is designed to help them make the best of life changes.
“Clean Slate: How to Make Change Happen,” combines evidence-based research with Lee’s experience as a licensed clinical social worker devoted to helping people make fresh starts.
Her fourth book (available on pre-order) provides readers with advice for leveraging the intention behind fresh starts, creating psychological safety, tracking progress, setting boundaries — and the importance of cutting yourself a break.
As with all books by Lee, who has a side career as a comedian, it crackles with humor and first-person accounts of her struggles with anxiety and the lifelines provided by therapy and medication.
Lee spoke with Northeastern Global News about why she wrote “Clean Slate” less than three years after publishing a book about microdosing bravery: “Worth the Risk.”
“It’s important to create access to evidence-based strategies at a time in the world when there is so much peril,” she says.
“It’s important to help translate some of the really exciting discoveries, especially in the face of a lot of misinformation and a lot of feel good pop psychology that may be easier for people to take in, but not necessarily helpful,” Lee says.
The strategies in her book are easy to follow but not overly prescriptive, she says. “It really gives everyone a lot of room to imagine what their own clean slate might look like.”
“I always like to joke and say I take humor very seriously,” says Lee, who not only writes with humor but advises readers to discover their own funny bone and consider following comedians such as Paula Poundstone, Maria Bamford and Mike Birbiglia.
“Humor is such a good teaching method. It’s such a connecting mechanism in our lives. Not all serious issues need tissues. We know from a research standpoint that laughter is very protective.”
“Research has shown us that when we couple the challenging things we’re aspiring to with a sense of play and fun and levity, it drives change. When we lighten up, that can actually serve as a catalyst for momentum and help us enjoy that process of change.”
In “Clean Slate,” Lee opens up about her own struggles with anxiety in greater detail than previously.
“I went extra candid at this time because I think this is the moment we are seeing escalated acuity in mental health crises; we’re seeing a tremendous amount of suffering.”
“As a behavior scientist, as an academic, as someone who has this opportunity for leadership, it is incumbent upon me to be open with my own experiences, the kinds of experiences that I advocate so heartily around.”
Lee says she wants people to know that “it’s OK to ask for help and that help helps.”
While she talks about her own therapy and recovering with the help of SSRI treatment — medications used to treat depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions — “you’ll notice I give a lot of disclaimers in the book. I don’t want anyone to think my path should be their path.”
“We have the great fortune to have access to life changing, life-saving medication for many, many conditions, especially mental health conditions,” Lee says. “I tend to relish scientific integrity and discovery. Part of that is taking the time for a rigorous understanding of our own variables with the right guidance to determine the best approaches we can take.”
“For me, it’s a combination of connecting with people I’m close with, meditation, yoga, exercise, medication, therapy, reading, and writing. These are all well-documented ways to live well, and I want to encourage everyone to explore what works best for them.”
“The more we can discover what helps us and share with one another, the more we can help create a healthier world,” Lee says.
In “Clean Slate,” Lee emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and the importance of seeing oneself as a resilient person capable of adjusting to life’s inevitable changes.
“When things don’t go the way we had hoped, we can start anew. We can get back going again and recalibrate and reconfigure our lives,” Lee says.
“Those skills, mindsets, habits and behaviors help us to live in a psychologically rich way. We’re no longer held hostage by ideals of perfectionism or getting it right,” which leads to choice paralysis, she says.
“I’m hellbent on reminding people that resilience is a process. In the book I talk about how agility helps us cope with life’s not so surprising surprises. Change is coming. It’s part of the human experience.”
Lee says she writes about the latest discoveries in behavioral science to help readers set their fresh starts in motion, such as committing to change with public declarations or intentional deadlines.
“For some people, it could be a milestone birthday,” Lee says. It could also be setting nutritional guidelines the week after getting carried away at a favorite restaurant.
Lee combines the allegory of the turtle and the hare with the metaphor of the elephant in the room to come up with her own tale of the tiny turtle.
The tiny turtle realizes what needs to be changed, even if no one else can see it, and pursues change in small steps that Lee calls micro strategies.
“We live in a very dopamine, hyped-up world, where the hashtag is ‘Go Bigger or Stay Home,’” she says. But that kind of grandiose thinking is not necessarily good for mental health or making sustainable change.
It’s more important to take tiny steps and follow through, Lee says. “It’s a more humane way to approach ourselves, rather than setting ourselves up to be disappointed because we haven’t put together a feasible plan.”
“The last chapter in part one (of two parts) and a major theme of the book is being a super spreader of kindness,” Lee says.
“A piece that I want to encourage everyone to think about is to really look at what you care about, what you love, what you’re good at and to optimize that talent because it can be really beneficial to our world.”
The point of her book is not just self help, Lee says. The goal is to “help you do things that matter in the world.”