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Many said it’s not clear from the movie trailer that it’s a story about an abusive relationship, and one expert says the way the abuser is portrayed is troubling.
Colleen Hoover’s book, “It Ends with Us,” was a hit when it came out in 2016. Its popularity only grew when readers on TikTok began to discover and recommend the book for its love story, the strength of its main character and its message.
But what many readers, the blurb for the book and even the stars of the recent movie version of the book don’t mention is that it’s about domestic violence. The promotion around the movie, which came out Aug. 9, has been criticized for glossing over the serious issues central to the story.
This can be very traumatizing for people walking into the movie blind, especially survivors of domestic violence, says Hayat Bearat, associate visiting professor and interim director at the Domestic Violence Institute at Northeastern University.
“It seems like a love story,” Bearat says. “It seems to make light of domestic violence and equates it to a toxic relationship. There’s a big difference, and the author really doesn’t grasp that. … It’s worrisome in terms of the messaging that it may have for the younger generation. Someone that might find themselves in an abusive relationship (or) might not know they’re in an abusive relationship or might think that this is OK.”
“It Ends with Us” follows Lily Bloom, a young woman living in Boston, as she opens her own flower shop and meets neurosurgeon Ryle Kincaid. The two begin a relationship, but Ryle begins physically abusing Lily. After he pushes her, they run into Lily’s old boyfriend, Atlas Corrigan, who notices her injuries and tries to help her.
Lily leaves Ryle after he attempts to rape her, fleeing to Atlas’ house. When she discovers she’s pregnant, she moves back home, where Ryle helps her through the pregnancy. The book ends with Lily giving birth to a daughter, who she co-parents with Ryle, and rekindling her relationship with Atlas.
“It Ends with Us” achieved commercial success within several years of release, with 1 million copies being sold by 2019. But it skyrocketed to bestseller status after people on TikTok began recommending the book.
However, “It Ends with Us” is often marketed as a romance. It won Goodreads’ Reader Choice Award for Best Romance in 2016. Hoover said she doesn’t want to use trigger warnings or even mention potentially triggering issues in her book blurbs, so many readers go into the story not knowing about its darker elements.
The trailer for the movie features snippets of Lily and Ryle flirting and kissing along with the charged reunion between Lily and Atlas. There are a few shots of Lily examining her bruises and Ryle lashing out that allude to the nature of the story.
Bearat says that “It Ends with Us” seems to fall into the trap other shows and movies dealing with domestic violence do, which is showing the passionate moments alongside the violence. This, she says, makes it seem as though the romance is why people don’t leave and minimizes the domestic and sexual violence taking place.
In making the relationship the focus, she adds, movies and books like “It Ends with Us” also don’t highlight the financial imperatives people might have for staying in an abusive relationship.
“There’s a lot of room for improvement and without criticizing it then we can’t make movies in the future that are not better,” she says. “The messaging that’s coming out of this is it’s a love story, a story of resilience, about domestic violence, about ending the cycle of abuse. There’s a lot that they’re trying to do, and it’s not very cohesive.”
Hoover says that the book was inspired by her parents; her mother divorced her abusive father when Hoover was 2. According to the author’s note in the book, Hoover’s mother didn’t speak ill of her father so the two could have a relationship.
In “It Ends with Us,” Ryle also has a relationship with his daughter; Lily says it’s because Ryle has the right to be a father and it’s on them as parents to “work through their differences.”
Bearat says it is ultimately a survivor’s choice to do this, but it can put them at continued risk for abuse. Co-parenting with an abuser also creates an obvious unbalanced power dynamic, making it difficult for parents to make decisions together, she adds.
The book also does a lot to paint Ryle as redeemable. “Its Ends with Us” explains his abuse as being the result of the trauma he experienced as a child when he accidentally killed his older brother. This, combined with his more loving side, paints a sympathetic picture of him and makes some readers view him as “fixable.”
“The problem in terms of how the narrative is being spun in … is that it’s giving the viewpoint from the abuser,” Bearat says. “There’s reasons that they give for their abusive behavior. This is really problematic, highlighting it as like they’re just snapping when they’re angry. It comes off as tone deaf and very insensitive to frame the story as though it’s the abuser telling it and really disempowering the survivor by doing so. Survivors often don’t feel empowered to share their stories in a way that is authentic to themselves. This is kind of further proof of that.”